Desperation
by rocketcat56
Summary: After Ahsoka makes an unforgivable mistake, she is punished harshly by the Jedi Council. She decides to run from her mistakes but realizes that eventually punishment comes to all who deserve it.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I have decided to write another multi-chapter story! Yay! :D I hope you enjoy it and stick with it to the end. I'm not sure how many chapters it'll be so yea. Well, enjoy! :D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

A slight shiver runs through my body as I walk through to the Council Room. My master walks a few paces ahead of me and I can feel the anger and disappointment radiating from him. I shift my gave from his back to my feet that gently pound against the red carpet in the Jedi Temple.

I know I screwed up. I screwed up big time.

I cross my arms in an attempt to shield myself from the disappointment I feel from my master. I look around at the people passing us as we walk through the hallway. They notice my master's distance and look away from me as soon as I look into their eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment but quickly reopen them. I must take my punishment no matter how bad it may be.

My master stops in front of the Jedi Council Room. He presses a button on the panel next to the doorway and waits for entrance. I stand a few paces behind him and I feel a lump form in my throat. I feel terrible and I know Anakin can sense that.

"I-I'm sorry," I stutter. I look up at the back of Anakin's head to see any sign of acknowledgment. There is none.

The door of the Council Room opens and we both walk in. I stand beside my master and I feel the eyes of the Council upon me. I know my punishment will be harsh and I am terrified.

Anakin doesn't offer me any support. Not even through the force like he usually does when I am upset. Anakin and I are like brother and sister. He is always there for me. Always telling me everything will be alright. But this time, there is no comfort. This time Anakin knows everything won't be alright.

I hear the Council begin to speak. They talk to my master for awhile and I zone out. I try to simply stare at my feet but thoughts of my punishment continue to bombard my mind. I remember what I did and guilt squeezes my stomach.

"Ahsoka Tano," I hear Mace Windu speak my name and I look up from my feet. His gaze is harsh and my breathing quickens. I scan the faces of all the Council Members. Not one of them smiles. Every single gaze is one filled with anger and disappointment.

I want to run. Run and never come back. The Jedi are my life. They're all I have ever known. They are my family and I have disappointed them.

I shift my gaze to my master. His eyes are cold and they do not move to meet my eyes. I feel a pang in my heart and I move my gaze back to the eyes of Mace Windu. He begins to speak of my actions and how much of a mistake I made. I feel tears raining down my cheeks, at some point. I reach my hands up in an attempt to swipe them away but they keep coming with every word that escapes master Windu's mouth.

Suddenly, I hear master Windu's voice stop and I hear Obi Wan's instead. He talks of a punishment. How my mistake must be atoned for. Then he tells me my punishment.

My mouth falls open and my body freezes. I hear other Council members gasp and some flash shocked looks towards Obi Wan.

I feel Anakin's eyes on me. I sense the shock and panic he feels.

"But she's just a child!" I hear someone say.

"Master, don't you think that's a bit harsh?" I hear my master ask, his voice wavering a bit. Obi Wan says nothing and continues to stare at me with an unusually cold stare.

I feel my body start to move. I feel it move out of the Council Room and away from the Council. Away from my master and away from my punishment.

I run through the hallways and I feel eyes stare at me as my legs carry me to an unknown destination.

I can't think. All I know is that my body is moving and I can't stop it. I run all the way to my quarters. I lock the door behind me and I fall into a corner.

I feel an unbearable pain within me but I cannot cry. My stomach feels as if it is going to explode and I feel something rising in my throat. I rush to the bathroom and vomit into the toilet.

_What have I done?_ I think to myself.

**A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this story! I'll try to update as soon as possible! Thanks for reading! Love ya babies! :D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wassup guys! I'm back with chapter 2 of DESPERATION! :O Are you excited!? Of course you are! Well, enjoy! :D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

I get up from the floor of the bathroom and head to my closet. I can't stay here. I can't live with the humiliation. I know I'm being weak. I know I should face the consequences of my actions. I know I deserve the punishment but I cannot face it.

So with those thoughts in my head I get up and grab a small backpack from my closet. I fill it with a thin blanket and a few protein bars. I know I'll have to find more food at some point and I know I'll have to find a place where the Jedi won't find me.

Clones patrol the streets of Coruscant and whenever there is a criminal on the loose they are always caught in a matter of days. I know the Jedi will send out a missing person report when I leave and I will always be on the run.

I take off my com-link and place it on my nightstand. I then pick up my holopad and scribble a short message on it. I place it on my bed and I begin to shuffle through my drawers looking for something.

I finally find it. It is a simple piece of paper. A note from my master. I read over the words and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel an emptiness inside of me as I hold the note and I quickly shove it in the backpack, crumpling it a little bit.

I feel the shame from my master even though I have no idea where he is. I feel the disappointment of the Council and a vision of Obi Wan's cold gaze flashes before my eyes. I feel my lower lip start to tremble and I open my eyes again.

I put the backpack in my closet and I lie down on my bed. I close my eyes but I don't let the tears fall. I have no right to cry.

My actions deserve this punishment and I'm running away from what I deserve. I let these thoughts pass through my head as the world around me fades and sleep consumes me.

* * *

><p>I wake up a few hours later. I look out my window to see darkness. I check my clock. It's late into the night. I let out a sigh. It's time to go.<p>

I get up and get the backpack from my closet along with a cloak. I put the cloak over my back so it rests on my shoulders. I then pull the backpack over my shoulders and I walk towards my masters room.

I stand in front of his door. I raise my hand to knock on it but something stops me and I don't knock. I don't say goodbye. Something tells me if I do I won't end up leaving and I will have to face my punishment.

In all honesty, it's not the punishment I'm afraid of. I know that after my punishment ends I will face a new one. I will face the shame and distrust of all my fellow Jedi.

I will never be trusted or respected again because of my recklessness. If I stay I will forever live a life in which I am not seen as an individual. Jedi will grow up knowing of my mistake and I will never live a life in which I truly live.

Unless I leave.

I continue to stare at my master's door for a few minutes before I turn away and head towards the entrance of the Temple.

I reach the top of the stairs and look behind me. I feel the guards silently watching me but they make no move to stop me. I gaze upon the Temple and I feel a pain like no other as I turn my back on the only place I have ever called home. I pull my cloak over my head and walk down the steps of the Temple.

The wind blows harshly against my face as I enter the streets of Coruscant and walk away from the life I screwed up.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Heeeeeeey peeps! Back with chapter 3 of Desperation! Enjoy my pretties! MWAHAHAHAHA! *flies off on broomstick**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

Even late at night the streets of Coruscant are bustling with people. I shift my backpack on my shoulders and pull the hood of my cloak farther over my head.

Memories play through my head as I walk to wherever the road takes me. Memories of getting of the ship and greeting Obi-Wan and Anakin. Memories of fighting off droids with my master. Memories of saving lives. Memories of my old life.

I sigh and push the memories out of my head. I can't think like that. Not anymore.

I shift my gaze from my boots to the walkway in front of me. I push past people going every which way. I wonder where they are going and wonder if maybe someone is hurting as badly as I am.

I know that although I'm in pain that me leaving will hurt those at the Temple much more. Or maybe it won't. Maybe they'll continue life without Ahsoka Tano like I never existed in the first place. Maybe. Maybe not.

I continue walking, not knowing where I'll end up. Not knowing if anyone has noticed my absence. Simply not knowing what to do in life anymore.

I walk for a few hours until I see pale streaks of light begin to cover the sky. I'm exhausted and a little hungry. I'm in a section of Coruscant I've never been to before. The buildings are tall yet not many people seem to go inside them. Dark alleys loom in between the buildings and sketchy people lean against the walls in the darkness, their eyes glowing as the sun's rays pass over them.

This section isn't as crowded as Coruscant normally is. People still walk up and down the walkways but there is actually room to swing my arms and I don't have to push past people to get somewhere. The streets are also quiet. No one speaks here. The people walk with their heads down and avoid making eye contact with anyone.

I reach down to grip my lightsaber for comfort only to realize it isn't on my belt. I look down and I feel my stomach drop as I can't remember bringing my lightsabers. I look up and around to see if anyone has noticed my slight panic. No one looks at me and I pull my cloak tightly against my body and I keep walking.

My heart beats wildly. I have no weapon and I feel fear creep into my body as I realize the danger I could face.

Suddenly, I hear a loud crash and I look up. I see a man on the other side of the street on the ground. Blood drips from his green forehead. He gets up and a group of men come up behind him screaming in a language I am unfamiliar with. They are all dressed in dark colors and masks cover their faces.

One of the men reaches for the bleeding man's headtails. He grabs it and yanks the man around pointing a gun under his chin. My eyes widen and I'm tempted to help this man until I remember I am alone and without a weapon. I can't fend off this gang by myself and I run into a nearby alley and watch the gang member yell at the man. Tears fall from the man's eyes as the gang member screams.

The man screams for help but no one comes. The streets are completely clear. Everyone has gone into hiding or run away.

"Please!" the man screams, "Help me! Someone please!" Fear pangs through my body and I shrink farther into the alley but I continue to watch. The gang member screams something and he sends a motion to the other gang members. They form a circle around the man and the other gangster.

They raise their guns and all at once they fire. They then scatter. Going into certain alleyways and into abandoned buildings. One of the gang members passes my alley and my heart momentarily stops when I think he will come into this alley and see me in it.

These men are ruthless and won't think twice about killing an unarmed teenager.

Fortunately, the man passes and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. After a few minutes of deathly silence. People start to emerge from their hiding places and continue to walk down the street. I look around and come out of the alley. I see the man's body. Bloody and battered. I shift my gaze from the gruesome sight and continue walking down the street.

I don't feel safe anymore. This isn't the Coruscant I grew up with. This is a wasteland where only the best survive. I have to get out of here. I look around to see if there is a way I can escape this part of the city but all I see is the same familiar landscape all around me. I consider asking someone for directions but I immediately disband that idea as flashbacks of the man's murder invade my thoughts.

I put my head down and keep walking. This part of the city is so run down that it's a miracle the holoprojectors in the center of the elevated streets still convey news from the Republic.

I look at one of the projectors and my stomach drops at the message on it.

There is a picture of me with the word "MISSING" above it.

**A/N: And there you have it chapter 3 of Desperation! Done and dusted. Hope you guys enjoyed it! If you did maybe leave a review, favorite, or follow! :) Thanks guys! You are the best! Bubye now! *cranks up broomstick and flies into a tree**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey peeps! It's me again! Well I don't really have anything to say so enjoy chapter 4 of Desperation! :D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

I simply stand and stare at the projector for a few minutes. I can't let anyone see me.

I shift my gaze to the ground and pull my cloak farther around my face. I haven't seen any clone troopers around here which explains why this part of town is so run down and violent.

I pass several alleys before coming to a dead end street. I stop and look around before deciding on a different street to take. I follow the path and continue my trek. My stomach growls but I ignore it. I can't afford to waste what little food I have.

I wonder what I will do once I run out of food. I have no money and I don't see any place where I can get scraps of food. I let out a sigh and push the hopeless thought from my mind.

The holoprojectors continue to broadcast the message of my absence from the Temple. I keep scanning the area around me looking for the white clad soldiers that will try to bring me back to the Temple but they are nowhere to be found.

I sigh and continue walking.

* * *

><p>It's been several days since I left the Temple. My picture continues to be projected on the holoprojectors around town but no one recognizes me and I have yet to come in contact with any clones.<p>

I haven't eaten much recently and my stomach claws at my insides. I wrap my hand across my torso in an attempt to try and stop the growling but I continue to feel the pangs of hunger.

The few protein bars I had in my backpack were stolen when I was mugged by a gang the other day. I'm surprised they didn't recognize me. My cloak is slightly torn from when I was mugged and now my montrals are visible at the top of the cloak.

My stomach growls again and I decide that my next mission needs to be food. There aren't many street vendors around me and the few places that do serve food cost a hefty sum of money.

I remember seeing vendors offering free meals to homeless people when my master and I had to track down a criminal on the loose on Coruscant. I keep my eyes open for the words "free food" as I walk down the streets.

This part of Coruscant isn't as crowded as it is near the Temple but there is still a good amount of people in the streets. Enough people that I occasionally bump into someone.

I eventually wander into a different, more crowded section of Coruscant. This section is crowded like the places near the Temple. Up until now I haven't seen any clones but now they walk up and down the streets watching every person who walks by them.

I'm sure they are aware of the fact that I'm missing and I'm probably one of their top priorities. I look around trying to find an alley to slip into to avoid the gazes of the soldiers. Suddenly, I find a sign that says "free food." My stomach growls and I debate risking being seen or starving. I decide to get the food.

I lean my head down and pull my cloak around my body as I near the vendor who is giving out free food. I wait in the line for a few minutes before I come to the front. The man working the stand hands me a bowl. I walk away from the stand and shovel the food in my mouth.

All of a sudden, I hear something that makes me drop the bowl.

"Hey! Mommy look!" a kid screams while pointing at me, "It's that girl from the projectors!" My eyes widen and I look towards the troopers. Their heads are turned towards me and I lock eyes with one of them. A second passes where I am just staring at the trooper and then I start to run.

I push past people and I hear the sound of the clones behind me.

"Stop!" they scream but I keep running. My feet pound against the hard pavement of the street and my cloak flies wildly behind me. The wind has blown the hood off and now everyone can see who I am.

My breath comes out in gasps as I run. The fact that I haven't had much to eat over the last few days certainly isn't helping. After a few minutes of running I start to feel tired and I can feel myself slowing down. I look around for a place to run and hide but there are too many people around me.

I stop running as I come to a crossroad. I frantically look right and left.

Blue eyes suddenly interrupt my field of vision. Anakin. He's standing a few feet away from me. We stand there staring at each other for a few seconds before I dart to the right.

"Ahsoka!" he yells and runs after me. I look around and notice a pile of bins ahead of me. I run past it and turn around and topple the pile using the force. Anakin stops chasing me as the pile crashes down. We lock eyes for a brief moment before the toppling pile blocks my view of him and I start to run again.

**A/N: And there's chapter 4! I hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to update soon but for now goodbye my lovelies! :D**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey heeeeeeey! So chapter 5 of Desperation! OMG! Are you READY!? Of course you are! Enjoy younglings!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

I run and run until my legs ache and my lungs scream for me to stop and breath. I round a corner and make my way into a narrow alley. I collapse and lean against the wall. I gasp for air and my chest burns as the oxygen rushes in.

I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I throw up the food I had eaten only a short while ago. My insides feel hollow and my throat burns. My legs ache and I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep.

I'm exhausted. I decide that right now I don't care if I'm found. I just want to go to sleep. So I do. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall behind me and allow my tired body to relax.

* * *

><p>I sleep for what feels like an eternity and when my eyes open again the sky is dark and the lights of Coruscant illuminate the city around me. I lift my arms above my head and stretch out my limbs. I watch as people pass the alley, unaware of the runaway Jedi who sits in the darkness.<p>

I stand and walk out of the alley. I'm starving and I need to find a new cloak to wear so that I won't be recognized. I keep my head down and walk through the crowded city.

I walk for a bit before finding a restaurant. I walk around the building to the back of it. I see a man dumping scraps of food onto the ground. I wait until he leaves and I walk up to the pile of food.

I then swallow my pride and eat the scraps off of the ground. The taste of dirt washes over my tongue and I grimace. I want to stop eating the scraps but my stomach growls and tells me otherwise. This could be my only food for days. I can't stay in the same place for too long or they'll find me.

I can't imagine the anger that people have for me. I deserve my punishment but I'm too much of a coward.

I sigh and finish eating the scraps. I stand and walk back out onto the crowded streets. A cold wind brushes over my skin and I remember I need to find a cloak.

I look around and see a homeless man sleeping in an alleyway. He has a cloak at his side along with several bottles of alcohol. An idea comes to my head and I feel a pang in my heart.

I start to walk towards the homeless man.

_It's him or you. _I keep telling myself. My heart speeds up and I see the man open his eyes as I come closer. I feel emotions crash down on me one wave after the other.

"It's him or me," I whisper to myself quietly. The man watches me. I come closer to the man close enough to grab the cloak. I reach down and grip the cloak.

The man realizes what I'm doing and grabs my arm. A jolt of energy shoots through me and I bring my knee up and knee him in the stomach knocking the air out of him. He gasps and looks up at me in fear. I stare back at him. I feel frozen. His eyes suddenly widen and I know he recognizes me.

His wide mouth moves trying to say something and I know he's calling for clones. I look around desperately and then I look back at him. I motion for him to stop and be quiet but he doesn't listen.

Suddenly, my hand fly forward and I grip his head.

"Shut up!" I scream. Several people stop and turn to look at me. I see recognition in their eyes and my blood runs cold.

I turn and wave my hand at the people using the Force to knock out everyone within fifteen feet of me. I then turn back to the homeless man and use the Force to knock him out too.

I grab the cloak and start to run. Wind rushes past my face as adrenaline rushes through me.

My feet push against the ground in my hurried sprints as I feel the pain of guilt at what I have just done.

**A/N: And that was chapter 5 of Desperation! Did ya like it?! If you did drop a favorite, review, follow or maybe all three! Thank you my dears! Have an awesome day/night!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: the Clone Wars.


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